Communication is the act of transferring information from one person to another.
Every person has different communication styles and needs. We learn different communication patterns from our childhood into adulthood.
When entering into a relationship, two people combine those communication patterns; sometimes conversations are clear, and sometimes they are not.
What is necessary is finding a way that communication can suit a relationship. Healthy communication styles require effort and practice. This is a skill that anyone can improve.
The transmission of a message during a conversation can be interrupted or skewed by a range of things — like our emotions, a cultural situation, tools we use to communicate, and even our environment.
In relationships, communication allows you explain to someone else what you are experiencing and what your needs are. The act of communicating not only helps to meet your needs, but it also helps you to be connected in your relationship.
There are actually three parts of communication, and a healthy communication pattern requires them all:
1. Verbal communication
This includes the words we use and our tone of voice. When we use blame words, such as "you did ________" or "you made me feel ________", that causes the other person in the conversation to become defensive.
Learning to turn conversations back on ourselves can help us move forward. Examples could be "I feel _______" or "I would like ________".
No matter how well you know and love each other, you cannot read your partner’s mind.
Verbalize what you are feeling or needing, and then work from there.
2. Non-verbal communication
Our body language, the way we hold ourselves, says a lot. If we have our body turned away from someone, our arms crossed, or roll our eyes, that shows we are defensive and uninterested in what another person has to say (I know this because I'm human and am unfortunately good at those examples...).
If our feelings don’t match our words, it is often the non-verbal communication that gets ‘heard’ and believed.
But if we become accepting of a conversation, we will be open with our body language. We will make eye contact and lean in closer to show that we are paying attention.
Take some time to notice whether your body language reflects what you are saying.
3. Listening
This can be a difficult communication component. When we have something to say we want to be heard. But how well are we actually listening to the other side of the conversation? For many people, being able to speak without interruption is a form of release.
Listening is more than just hearing. To truly listen, offer your partner attention and put your own agenda and needs aside. Repeating things as you heard them or asking clarifying questions could be a good test to see how well you are listening.
Listening strengthens relationships and demonstrates attentiveness, caring, and respect.
Improving our communication is a huge step forward in how we interact in our relationships. Healthy communication creates a safe space for another person to share their feelings, perspectives, and thoughts. It helps a relationship be nourished and grow.